By Simon Mayo 1040AM GMT twenty-two March 2010
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Photo Andrew Crowley When you find yourself Tweeting on the loo, it might be that you have a complaint and need help. On the alternative palm (I might argue) you might well arise from the lavatory improved entertained and sensitive than when you went in. And if you follow Nigel Molesworth (@reethen) both are true. This is not the genuine Nigel Molesworth, of course, as his writer Geoffrey Willans died in 1958, but the waggish universe of St Custard"s, Grimes the headmaster and the self styled "gorila of 3B" (sic) has been recreated on Twitter by, it turns out, a rather well reputable publisher with a repute to protect. He is the new Belle De Jour. As an disdainful toreaders, I managed to get the usually well well known interview.
SM How is St Custard"s these days? How has it blending to the pressures and needs of the 21st century? Do students arise from the gates of St Custard"s well versed for adult life?
NM st custards hav hold loyal to the unapproachable 900-yere histore of akademik XECLENCE hem-hem & do all in the energy to ensur boys splash of the tree of KNOLWEDGE even if it contingency be by WATERBORDING. that is to sa the place is an apsolute disorder as ushual and uterly ponk of slightly wet dust marker lat. beetels cigs masters ect & the wi-fy accepting is APAULING mi dere. as you kno howevver st custards continu to produse most abrade PILARS of the societe inkluding george OSBORN gordon RAMPSEY micheal WINER & cocktail stars peat Doherty & RADIOHED. it is in this spirrit of endevor that st custards impetus proudly in to the 1960s cheers cheers.
SM Your tweets have utterly a following. Who are your followers?
NM twiter hav enabled the downtroden & opresed to have well well known there PLITE cheers cheers. i am unapproachable to sa mi folowers inklude abrade writer neil GAIMAN comedien katy BRAND chanel 4"s irish headlines guy krishnan GURU MURPHY tracey thorn from everething but the GURL konservat consevert comservat TORY claimant louise BAGSHAW additionally the telegrapfs pleasing briony GORDON with her gorgous issuing CURSESCURSES WOT AM I SAING & eventually mi abrade prime comics artist dave GIBBONS who pull the watchmen & the MEKON coo gosh.
SM What is the boys" prime hobby?
NM kontemplating lifes FUTILITE and staring in the miror at mi assumed beauty.
SM Is co-education a great idea?
NM do you meant with GURLS poo gosh never over the ded physique of each dauntless nobel child in st custards such would be an ABOMMINATION. GURLS are a distraktion they chater pla and go on about ickle flattering robert patinson the evil spirit weed from TWILITE they are e.g. qite incompatibel with st custards ETHOS.
SM Bullying has been in the headlines a lot recently. Is it tolerated at St Custard"s?
NM regretabley i hav newly had kause to remind the teleg.s own riter toby YOUNG that as masters sa it is not BULYING it is karacter building.
wot is skool but the joyous cri assign ta ran ta rah biff whack and the skreams of those who perrish? how should we gro up but the joly ruough and decrease chinese bake sermon upercut ded leg and shaolin fist of DETH wich karacterise the abrade brittish plaground given the days of t. brownish-red j.c.t. jenings b. bunter ect? we would turn e.g. WEEDS and probabley rede the gardian chiz.
SM Your tweets on this theme indicate an anti-Cameron mood. Would this be right?
NM d. kameron is an old custardian of renoun and hav the symbol of GRABBER about him e.g. hed of skool captan of games & annual leader of the mrs joyfull esteem forraffia work for the ushual volume I need explikate no further. to illustrate mi felow suferers & i hav reason to suspekt him it is all laid out for his sort you kno how it go.
SM Fancy university? And what would you study?
NM universite is merely a trail to the dred predestine of apropos a MASTER it is similar to in the godfather 2 we bekome that wich we fere & despise.
SM What do you wish to be when you grow up?
NM sekretary of state for SKOOLS & FAMILIES.
When pulpy for the reason because he felt the need to move Nigel behind and come in him in to the universe of micro blogging, the puzzling publisher says "I"ve regularly desired the Molesworth books (even though I am a komprehensive oik who do not kno his lat.) and am all the time cheered by the astonishing people who suffer them too. Basically nigel is a inhabitant value whose mental recall should be varnished as prolonged as there are skools snekes weeds wets oiks cads and pupils who long for underneath the border of supposed education." Are you celebration of the mass this, Michael Gove?
